"I could never have got married to someone like Yuyun if I was still in England.
Here there are no problems."
Or if there are he's not aware of them, for the Javanese tend to be polite to
your face if not to your back. But he does know what's going through the minds
of other bule (foreigners) who see the mixed-culture couple as they get out and
about in the north-coast port where they've become mildly famous.
For Yuyun is 23 and Sheldon is 72. To save you the job of scrabbling for the
calculator, that's almost half a century of difference.
"I married a child," said Sheldon. He said he hasn't been wed before, but has
had other partners. He also has a daughter in the US; Yuyun has inherited a
stepchild two years older than herself.
"This is keeping me young. I've always been associated with beautiful women and
this is the best relationship I've ever had.
"Let's face it; every middle-aged man has a fantasy of making it with a young
girl -- just ask Bill Clinton. Here in Indonesia fantasy can become fact."
At this stage it's important to report that Sheldon's comments were made in
front of his wife, who handles English well. His hearing was damaged through
military service and he's having problems learning Indonesian.
More robust remarks, prefaced by "man-to-man" will not find their way into this
family newspaper, but I guarantee they only endorse and underline the above
quotes.
And what does Yuyun say about her husband of three years? All the right things
a bloke who's not going gentle into that last good night loves to hear: "He is
so romantic and attentive," she said. "He's a nice man and I love him. Every
day he tells me that he's lucky to have me."
The couple says they're having so much fun in and out of the bedroom that they
want to share their good fortune. So they've started an Internet dating agency
called An Asian Wife. The come-on is direct:
"Would you like a wife who never complains, nags or refuses sex? One who
devotes her life to making you happy ... who will love you as a person and not
as a meal ticket?"
At one stage they had almost 300 "real, unspoilt Indonesian girls from
villages" on their books, but that number has been slimmed down to about 60 who
are "serious and available."
For US$20 (Rp 180,000) the lonely suitor can buy a contact for the lass of his
choice -- then it's up to him to get in touch and follow through.
But communication is a big problem.
While the lusty lads in bleak Birmingham (Alabama or West Midlands) can
broadband their ethernet billet-doux, the olive-skinned ladies in waiting have
no easy access to the Internet. Probolinggo connections can be measured in
minibytes.
So it's not surprising not one of these contacts has resulted in marriage. More
successful (15 weddings so far) have been the tours Sheldon and Yuyun organize
for amorous adventurers with time and cash.
For about $1,500 the couple will pick up the wife-seeker at Surabaya's airport
and escort him to the lady's home. This is usually mum and dad's abode, so
kampong reality soon crushes expectations of 24-hour workouts alone in
penthouse suites.
If she looks as lovely on the carpet of her cramped lounge as she did on the
laptop and the emotional electrons are stimulated, then the rest is up to them.
If not, Yuyun will schedule other introductions until Ms Willing meets Mr
Right. The price includes hotel or homestay accommodation and romantic trips
for up to a fortnight.
The couple said the men they've squired so far have been in their 40's and 50's
from the US and UK, usually refugees from a broken marriage, escapees from
feminism and enticed by the exotic.
Many have been anxious about traveling to Indonesia fearing terrorists and were
"astonished at the differences from their negative expectations".
"Age gaps aren't an issue in Indonesia," said Sheldon. "The people here are
really friendly and hospitable. There are bad things about Indonesia, like
pollution and lousy service, but the good outweigh.
"I no longer enjoy Britain -- it's like a police state. I can't even get a visa
for Yuyun so she can meet my relatives and see the country. We don't want to
live there.
"Here there are no speed cameras, no parking restrictions, no surveillance, no
income tax, no VAT. To open a business you find some premises and go ahead ...
no licenses, no fire inspections.
"No political correctness, no lawsuits, no compulsory insurance, no fishing or
television licensing. Here I bought a house for $6,000. You couldn't get a
garden shed for that in England.
"Western women are disgusting. They are selfish, egotistical and money
oriented. If you don't have tons of cash they're just not interested.
"Here I've never met a real bitch. Indonesian women list being faithful at the
top of their requirements in a man. There's a bit of hero worship. They like
white skin."
And credit cards of whatever hue? Aren't many bule chasers just gold-diggers?
"Some are -- though I can think of only two in this category that we've had on
our books. Women in Thailand and the Philippines want a foreign husband so they
can flee the country -- then kick him out. Indonesian women aren't like that --
they prefer to stay near their families."
A local proverb says when a woman marries a foreigner she just gets the guy --
but he gets her and her family.
"That can be true. Yuyun moved her parents into our house after we got married
without my knowledge. I don't mind. There are many family obligations in this
culture."
How did you meet Yuyun?
"An Indonesian friend I knew overseas brought me here and introduced me to many
families. He said I'd never want to leave -- he was right! I was accosted by so
many women I was in heaven. They treated me like Beckham! They're so sensual.
"Yuyun is never unhappy, never miserable. She's so bubbly and easy to get on
with. How could I not love her? It never entered my mind that we'd get married
-- but Indonesian women make decisions fast about their future."
(Yuyun: "I only agreed when I knew he was serious and when he kept his
promises.")
"Indonesian women don't talk openly about sex and it was hands off before
marriage. But when they love there are no half measures. Westerners think they
are subdued. Not so. Yuyun is a real sexpot. It's me that has to plead a
headache some nights to get a rest."
What cultural hurdles have you hit?
"Not many. We both share the same sense of humor. I don't mind Indonesian food.
I want lots of air in the house and she doesn't. (When the Post visited the
fans were on in most rooms and the front door open.) Some men have problems
because of the lack of alcohol here. No issue for me -- I don't drink."
Religion?
"I had to become a Muslim to marry. I just mumbled a few words I didn't
understand. I'm not religious and Yuyun isn't serious about religion."
What happens to Yuyun when you die?
"I hope that by then she'll be able to inherit my pension. I've had a heart
by-pass, but I'm pretty fit. My parents lived into their 90s.
"The house and car are in her name. We're starting a business for her buying
and selling cattle. She'd love kids but first I have to be sure that her future
is secure."
(Srikandi is a non-profit organization in Indonesia for local women who are
married -- or were married -- to foreigners. See www.srikandi.org)
When age doesn't seem to matter...
There's no shortage of famous couples with significant age differences. Not
surprisingly, it's usually older man/younger woman, though film star Joan
Collins settled for a toyboy 32 years her junior.
Currently, Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills (25 years) are getting the
headlines as they divorce. They've eclipsed Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael
Douglas who also have a quarter-century gap.
In business, media tycoon Rupert Murdoch's third wife Wendi Deng is 38 years
his junior. The press baron has proved his potency by fathering two children
with the former Deng Wen Di.
The most famous has to be erstwhile megabust Anna Nicole Smith and megabucks J
Howard Marshall II. Before they died they were 63 years apart.
