Shivani in Bangalore was on top of the world when her parents arranged her
betrothal to Pankaj, an IIT graduate who swept her off her feet. But after four
months and much intimacy, his parents called off the marriage saying that their
horoscopes didn't match.
These are marriages not quite made in heaven. Increasingly, men are seducing
women with promises of marriage. Sounds like an old ploy to entrap women?
But there's a twist in the sordid tale. This time it's under the disguise of
arranged marriage. No questions asked, no deadlines or lakshman rekhas imposed
on the couple.
Parents often view such situations as timely withdrawal but the one holding the
baby is the traumatised girl. Literally.
But then as Palash, who runs a thriving matrimony service in the Capital says,
"Educated young people are after all expected to be mature enough to handle
limits."
The sad part is that nowadays, men promise marriage in order to get sex, and
women are giving it in order to get married.
Sex is slowly becoming the driving force of the familiarisation process in
arranged marriages.
Dr Sanjay Chugh, psychiatrist, says, ''Men no more hesitate to meet girls of
their parents' choice as they see a brighter chance of getting lucky with the
girl."
This is misuse of the confidence a woman places on her future husband, says Dr
Sameer Parikh, Max Healthcare. "As a couple considers marriage, an underlying
trust forms. With this understanding, the woman lets down her guard and gets
physically intimate with the man," he says. Further, the woman, says Chugh, is
under obligation to give sex, not in exchange for love, but marriage.
Men are increasingly looking at arranged marriages as a means to be introduced
to prospective sexual partners. Take Varun. He's with a leading MNC and drawing
a handsome salary. He's pretty blase about his conquests.
"It worked out well for me. I didn't go hunting for girls. Instead, my parents
lined them up for me. There was a vicarious pleasure doing it right under
everyone's noses and getting away with it."
The girl too is under pressure to marry. If she rejects her future husband's
advances, he may not marry her.
So when Priya accompanied Sudhir, her future spouse, on weekends to Nainital,
Jaipur and Shimla, little did she know he would call off the marriage the
minute she told him about her plans for her wedding trousseau.
Parikh says its difficult to pinpoint the exact profile of young men who
indulge in this conduct. But these men pre-empt sex and have mala fide
intentions. It has nothing to do with educational qualifications, family
background or looks.
His advice? "Unless a substantial amount of time has passed, do not do anything
you will regret later. And as there's no way of predicting anybody's
intentions, take care of yourself."
