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Kiran: Ray of hope for abused Indian women in US
By Nina Martyris
September 16, 2002
MUMBAI: They are little hubs of hope scattered throughout the USA, especially
in cities that have a sizable Indian population. Twenty-five organisations with
names like Asha, Manavi, Sakhi, Maitri, Sneha and Sahara, all committed to
helping South Asian women trapped in situations of domestic violence.
Shivali Shah, co-founder of one such organisation, is in the city to research
her book Marrying Into America: The H-4 Visa Bind, which looks at the
peculiarly vulnerable situation of women who go to the US on a dependent visa
and are highly vulnerable to abuse because they have neither immigrational nor
financial independence.
Two years ago, Ms Shah, an intellectual property rights lawyer, along with five
other professionals started Kiran, a domesticviolence prevention and crisis
service for South Asian women in North Carolina.
After Silicon Valley, North Carolina has the highest concentration of hi-tech
firms and therefore the second-highest concentration of Indians in the US. Ms
Shah, who had previously worked with the New Yorkbased domestic violence
support group Sakhi, was repeatedly approached by South Asian women in North
Carolina facing situations of abuse at home.
Though Kiran doesn't run a shelter, it has a helpline (in 16 Indian languages)
that aims to provide non-judgmental and culturally sensitive counselling. Calls
range from the minor (need a baby-sitter) to the macabre (my husband had
repeatedly jabbed my arm with a pair of scissors, what should I do?).
The organisation also provides referrals to professional and community services
regarding legal issues and health care.
The reasons for marital discord are the same as those in the home country:
dowry, jewellery, cooking, the raising of children, cultural mindsets.
"The value added to this baggage by the US is the isolation of the immigrant
condition," says Ms Shah.
Not only are these women isolated by language, they are without relatives or
friends, many are even terrified to take a bus. In such a foreign cultural
setup, women feel disempowered. For the men, there is this huge pressure to do
well and prove themselves and they vent this pressure on their wives.
Much of the abuse begins because the husband expects the wife not only to be
the epitome of the traditional Indian housewife but a ladder-climbing careerist
too. Worse,many women think that they should match their spouse's expectations.
It comes as no surprise therefore that sections of the Asian male community
accuse Kiran of being a "home-breaker."
Far from being home-breakers, domestic-violence groups rarely tell victims to
get up and leave. "That the kind of advice one would give to a friend but as
counsellors, we know that the woman is the best judge of the situation," says
Ms Shah.
One of the statistics of domestic violence is that a woman will leave her
husband seven times before she leaves finally.
The various kinds of abuse that Kiran tackles include verbal, emotional,
sexual, financial, immigrational and finally physical abuse. One woman who was
abused for eight years her husband twisted and broke her leg and almost all her
fingers went to Sakhi only when he began to beat the kids.
"It's very hard for Indian women to talk of abuse, there is always a strong
element of shame," says Ms Shah.
"They use euphemisms to describe the abuse." Typically a woman would say, "He
pushed me," instead of saying, "He pushed me down the stairs."
One of the biggest feathers in Kiran's fledgling cap is the tracking down of
the murderer of a young Florida student Deepa Agarwal, who was stabbed to death
by her cousin Kamlesh Agarwal in July 1999.
Kamlesh (a Breach Candy boy), who had formed an attachment to his cousin,
murdered her in a fit of rage, stuffed her body into a closet and fled back to
India. Since both the US and Indian police didn't seem interested in pursuing
the case, Deepa's sister Sheela approached Kiran.
For one year, the group campaigned and then, 48 hours after a vigil at the
White House that was covered by the national press, Kamlesh was arrested by the
Mumbai police. He now awaits trial before an extradition judge.
In a strange but special way, one source of light had come to the aid of the
others Kiran getting justice for Deepa.
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