But even with that guideline, it's no easy sell.
The promo for "The Big Talk" starts with Kotb saying, "Sex. Don't be afraid.
Join me to talk about sex without shame."
And people are doing just that. The show is gaining in popularity throughout
the Middle East. So much so that Kotb just signed with a new production company
and plans to push the sexual envelope even further in her discussions.
For the moment her main advice for married couples: Have more sex.
"You have nowhere else to get your sexuality but from your spouse. It's the
only source available, so it's very important."
And for the men she has some blunt advice: "You have to have foreplay with your
wife and you have to have sex with her frequently, not just when you want to."
Surgical dreams to sexologist
Growing up, Kotb desperately wanted to be a surgeon. But years later, when she
started a family after medical school and wanted more time with her daughters,
she decided to change paths.
"Leaving surgery felt like falling from a very high point to a low point. I
thought, 'Oh my God, I'm going to end up just doing something less exciting.' I
wanted to be productive."
It was while making that decision, that Kotb was writing a dissertation on
sexual assaults. For the study, she needed to discuss normal sexual behavior
and suddenly realized she had no idea where to start.
"I thought, 'Oh my God, me -- a medical doctor who has a masters; is working on
a Ph.D. -- doesn't know anything about this.' How did all these people I was
reading know about sexuality?"
So she started researching while wondering why her part of the world was so
averse to talking about sex. It was something Kotb wanted to change and she
found a way in the Quran: a passage that discusses sex between husband and
wife.
The passage reads: "Your wives are as a tilth [land or soil to be cultivated]
unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for
your souls beforehand; and fear Allah."
That verse, she says, makes it known that sex shouldn't just happen when the
husband wants but that the wives have rights too.
"I was so proud of my religion when I saw that. My religion was advanced enough
to talk about women's rights in sexuality how many years before modern science
did?"
From that moment, there was no turning back.
First come patients, then the show
Kotb got her first degree in clinical sexology in 2003. A year later, she
earned her doctorate in human sexuality, clinical sexology and pastoral
counseling from Maimonides University in Florida.
All the while, her family showed steadfast support. Her father helped her to
pay for her doctoral degree, while her husband kept pushing her to do what she
loved.
And shortly after getting her degrees, she did, opening a clinic in downtown
Cairo. In the beginning, things were rough.
"It was a mess," she said. "I had one or two patients per week."
But five years later, things have certainly changed. Now, Kotb's calendar is
booked three months in advance. She says patients are much more open about sex
and the specifics they talk about in her sessions.
She expanded her work to include television, launching "The Big Talk" several
months ago. The show is, by all accounts popular, although you wouldn't know it
from walking Cairo's streets.
In the middle of downtown, women refused to discuss the show when asked about
it.
It was an expected sign of just how sensitive the topic of sex is in the Muslim
world. And even though the men were more willing to talk about it, they were
less than enthusiastic about the subject.
In fact, Kotb has critics on all sides. Those more liberal think she's not
being open enough about sex, ignoring topics like extra marital affairs,
homosexuality and pregnancy out of wedlock. Meanwhile, conservatives think sex
is not for public discussion.
"There is no reason to talk about sex on television. Our society doesn't need
something like this," a shopkeeper named Fawi said.
For her part, Kotb has no plans to slow down.
"I wanted to be the first sexologist in the Arab World not because of the
challenge of being first," she said. "That didn't cross my mind. I did it
because I was interested in the subject and I wanted to help people."
And she has no regrets.
"A mother of a friend of mine, when she first knew I was doing this career five
years ago, she looked at me and said, 'Oh my God, are you teaching people to
sleep with each other?'"
"I said 'yes,'" Kotb responded with a laugh. "That's what I do. This is the
truth. And I'm very proud of this."
