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Saddam's regime leaves a generation of women unmarried, shunned
By Nadia Abou El-Magd
July 19, 2004
Bagdad - When Saddam Hussein's regime executed Nawal's brother, it also
destroyed her future.
For more than 20 years, Nawal was shunned by potential suitors, fearful that
any association with her family would put them in danger.
Now 40, Nawal falls into a less obvious group of Saddam's victims -- the
daughters, sisters and widows of men who ran afoul of the ousted regime and who
are trapped in a deeply traditional society that considers women over 30 as
unmarriageable.
"Do I look like an old woman?" Nawal wondered with a shy smile. "I feel inside
that I'm still young, but it's very sensitive and difficult to be 40 and not
married in Iraq."
She and others in her predicament asked that their surnames be withheld.
Iraq, a largely conservative tribal society, places enormous importance on
marriage for women. Most marriages are arranged and men prefer younger women in
hopes of having many children.
Sex outside marriage is considered scandalous, and single women must stay with
their parents, unmarried siblings or their married brothers.
No firm statistics exist on single Iraqi women over 30, but Nabil Noaman, a
sociology professor at Baghdad University, estimates them at a million or more.
In a population of 25 million people, that rate would be among the highest in
the Arab world, he said.
"There is no family in Iraq that doesn't have this problem," Noaman said. "The
question is how are we going to address it now."
Iraq's history of tumult and conflict is partly to blame. The male pool
shriveled in the devastating war with Iran and the Persian Gulf War and women
associated in any way with anti-Saddam activists were shut out of the
hyper-competitive market for husbands.
Nawal's brother, Maithem, disappeared in 1981, when he was only 16. The family
believes he was executed five or six years later on suspicion of belonging to a
banned Shiite party. His corpse was never found.
Veiled, with beautiful light brown eyes, Nawal looks down and smiles sadly.
"I didn't pay enough attention to the situation," she said. "I was waiting for
Mr. Right, who never came."
When wars and hardships cut back on available men, women were advised to become
the second, third or fourth wives of men who already were married. Islam
permits that, with some restrictions.
"Many women are now accepting of becoming second wives -- if they have the
chance," said Nibras Adnan, a sociologist at Baghdad University.
Nada, who is studying for her master's degree in communications, may do just
that. A 37-year-old with flowing black hair, she longs for a family, for
children -- for someone to share her life.
"If I was living abroad, I might consider having a boyfriend, " she whispers
and looks over her shoulder, fearing someone might overhear. "I want to know
how it feels to have a man in your life."
Other women, finding themselves suddenly widowed, found it impossible to move
on.
Laila Abdel Rasoul Kazem lost her husband in 1982. Two men approached the young
couple on a street in Baghdad and ordered him to go with them "for five
minutes." He never came back.
"I'm always scared, and not only from marriage," she said. "I'm always afraid
that I'm going to lose something else, like my job or another family member."
Out of fear for her family, she cut herself off from her husband's relatives
and filed for divorce, hoping to start over, remarry and have a family. Now 45,
she believes she won't get a second chance.
"My youth is gone," she said, weeping.
Nawal did have a few proposals, but her family judged them unsuitable. She
complied, hoping that with time someone acceptable would come along. He never
did.
"I wonder sometimes," she said. "What is wrong with me?"
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