Many Asian men, particularly those in rural areas, tend to seek traditional
wives who will stay home, doing chores and raising children, says Mika Toyota,
a research fellow at the National University of Singapore's Asia Research
Institute, and other experts who study the region.
An economic boom in recent decades means women have options their mothers
didn't. Better educated, they can have careers - and opt to stay single until
Prince Charming shows up, if he ever does.
"Most Japanese women would prefer to live and work in the city," says Jeff
Kingston, author of Japan's Quiet Transformation. "A guy out there in the
boonies . has a tough job selling the wonders of being a farmer's wife."
Instead, the men increasingly seek women from countries such as China, Vietnam
and the Philippines, where income levels are much lower. The practice has led
to some complaints of abuse and exploitation, particularly when the unions are
arranged by third-party brokers, although some couples say their marriages are
as happy as any other.
The men "have more bargaining power" when they travel to poorer countries, says
Gavin Jones, a sociologist at the National University of Singapore's Asia
Research Institute. "Some of these men are looking for the sorts of women they
can't find (in their own countries) - women to wash their clothes, submissive
women."
The trend marks a significant shift in countries that have long been ethnically
homogenous. Some local South Korean governments, eager to improve the birthrate
in an aging country, even subsidize trips abroad for men seeking foreign wives.
In South Korea, the number of marriages in which one spouse is non-Korean
tripled from 2001 to 2006, the U.S. State Department reports. Overall, one in
eight South Korean marriages involve a foreigner, according to the Korean
Statistics Office. In rural areas such as Gyeonggi, along the North Korean
border, the figure rises past 30%.
In Japan, the percentage of mixed marriages rose from 1.88% in 1986 to 6.1% in
2006, according to the government's population survey that year.
Until a few decades ago, marriages in these countries were often arranged by
local matchmakers who "would show pictures to a man and say, 'Which one do you
want?' ," Kingston says.
These days, cultural and economic changes mean that "media and books tell
everyone the wonders of love marriage," he says.
More than half of Japanese women in their late 20s are single, up from about
30% two decades ago. A survey by the Japanese insurance industry a couple of
years ago found that most single women ages 35 to 54 have no plans to marry.
Marriage brokers charge up to $20,000 to fly lonely men to places such as
Vietnam to inspect potential wives, says Mary Kim, vice president of the Inchon
Women's Hotline, which offers language training and counseling to foreign
brides.
"They meet each other in the morning and get married in the afternoon," Kim
says. "Then they go to a hotel. It's a very abnormal way to get married."
In one newspaper ad, a South Korean broker advertises "very beautiful"
Vietnamese women: "100% virgins with health certificates for husbands to
check."
"It's a different kind of prostitution," Kim says.
South Korea passed a law in December cracking down on unscrupulous marriage
brokers, imposing jail sentences for those involved in the sex trade.
However, Kim says, foreign brides are often too confused and frightened to
complain to South Korean police when they are beaten at home.
The appeal for the women involved is usually economic, at least at first.
Rachelle Lim earned $210 a month as a sales clerk in greater Manila until she
was paired with a South Korean suitor. They met on a Friday, were married that
Sunday, and she flew to South Korea when her visa came through three months
later.
She didn't know what she was getting into. Her new home was cold, the language
difficult. The pungent cuisine took some getting used to. And her husband's job
as a factory manager kept him away from home six days a week.
"I cannot say I am happy now," says Lim, 29. "Sometimes I think I want to go
back to the Philippines."
Culture clashes are frequent, says Fe Gimarino-Kim, a Filipina who married a
South Korean in 1996.
In the Philippines, women often run the household and enjoy their own careers.
In South Korea, "the man runs things. If you're a Korean wife, you must serve
your husband."
Money is often a problem, too: Many foreign brides want to send money to their
parents and siblings back home; if their husbands refuse, they sometimes do so
surreptitiously. "They keep secrets and send money to their families,"
Gimarino-Kim says.
Gimarino-Kim formed the Filipino-Korean Spouses Association to lobby on behalf
of foreign brides. Four years ago, she successfully lobbied for a law ensuring
South Korean citizenship for foreign brides who get divorced after being beaten
by their husbands.
Some mixed couples try hard to make their marriages work. South Korean
autoworker Kang Ho Kyu, 40, doesn't speak a common language with his Filipina
wife of six months, Marilon Royo - so they often communicate using an
electronic English-Korean translator.
"We try to work things out," Kang says as his wife, seated next to him, breaks
into a beaming smile.
Gimarino-Kim says she's one of the lucky ones, too. She has been in a happy marriage with a South Korean for more than a decade: "It's a gamble," she says. "Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose."
