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Opinion: Breaking stereotypes about Asian
women
By Joel Hopkinson
June 3, 2005
I found Daniel Hong’s, “Asian Female Mystique” offensive. As a Western man who
is married to a Korean woman, I feel the need to defend my lifestyle and my
wife’s reputation.
Firstly, the article is simplistic because it generalizes too much. By lumping
all Asian women together into one stereotype, the author discusses countries as
varied a Japan, China and Thailand as if they were all the same. Asia has many
different religions and cultures.
Prasso’s observations of Western men and Thai women are not applicable to the
rest of Asia and are also culturally insensitive. Bangkok is famous for
prostitution; it is not an example of Pan-Asian morals or cultural norms. By
observing the sex industry, Prasso has ignored other aspects of Thai culture
such as their spirituality and adherence to Buddhist morals.
Furthermore, in Thai culture women are more accepting of much older husbands.
Prasso fails to understand this.
If a couple is married then let’s assume they love each other. It is not up to
academics to decide what is acceptable. The suitability of their marriage is
not anybody else’s business.
We don’t see Ms. Prasso or Mr. Hong comment on how much older white men marry
younger white women or examples of older women marrying younger men. How can
any serious examination of mixed marriages fail to compare them with other
marriages and cultural norms?
Prasso’s interpretation of the movie, “Charlie’s Angels,” is laughable. The
whole movie uses the allure of three attractive women and action to draw an
audience. Why does Prasso focus on Lucy Liu’s cleavage but not on the use of
Cameron Diaz’s bottom? Could it be that Prasso ignores evidence that does not
correspond to her agenda?
I agree that the West does have some stereotypes about Asian people. The same
is true for Asians having stereotypes about Westerners. Like all stereotypes
about race, they are based on ignorance and misunderstanding. Furthermore,
stereotypes based on observations of Thai or Japanese people cannot be applied
to other Asians.
I find any opinion that Asian women are submissive to be ridiculous. I have
seen Korean households where the woman clearly has a position of authority.
Part of the misconception is that Western academics undervalue the roles of
mother and homemaker thereby forming the misguided opinion that women are
inferior by holding these positions. A more realistic opinion is that mothers
and homemakers are actually important and valued positions in society. They
have been discounted by modern media and globalization but still remain one of
the cornerstones of civilization.
In modern Western relationships the balance of power is moving towards stable
equality. What I mean by this is that the man and woman ideally have equal
power in all things. The Asian model is different. In Korean relationships the
equality comes from both sides having power over different things. For example,
a woman may control all decisions about saving and spending money, while the
man makes the decision about what car they will buy. Everybody has their own
areas of expertise and defers to the advice of the person with authority in a
given field. Thus equality is achieved by the overall balance of power.
Personally, I prefer the second method because it frees up my time. All
decisions based on certain topics are the realm of my wife, and I do not
infringe on her territory. I may ask questions or offer my own opinion if I
feel the need but most of the time I am happy to concur with her. Likewise my
wife trusts my judgments and is happy to follow the path I choose as long as
she feels that I am looking after her interests as well. That is what a
partnership is all about.
I found comments such as ‘Yellow fever’ and ‘UCLA (Ugly Caucasians Living with
Asians) to be racist and totally unacceptable.
I will admit that some White men do prefer Asian women but the same is true for
everybody. Some White men like Black women, some Asian men like White women,
some Asian women prefer White men. Who cares? It’s their life; let them enjoy
it. As long as any relationship is between two consenting adults, and is
hopefully mutually constructive then it is not our business. Let love be the
deciding factor in these relationships.
In fact, Prasso’s writings should be examined for what they are: an attack on
Western men. This kind of attack is getting old and it is time to move on. If I
wrote a similar article about White women and Black men, (which I would not do
because it is not my concern) I would be labeled as racist and sexist but
because Prasso attacks White men it is acceptable though a little dated.
My wife and I are the same age and have similar interests. I have had good
relationships with Western women before and I do not think Asian women are
anymore or any less attractive than other races. My wife and I have good jobs,
good families and are both well educated. I married my wife because I love her
and I love her because she is a great person. Anyone else’s comments on our
relationship are unneeded, unwanted and unwelcome.
The writer is an ESL teacher in Korea for three years.
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