The city simply cannot come up with the goods.
So it was that one evening last month I found myself trawling US and UK sex toy
websites with fellow dyke in despair, an American editor for a local
entertainment magazine, and known to some as The Stud of Beijing, in the vein
(sic) attempt to fill my virtual shopping basket with a pleasing assortment of
silicone and leather. The Stud comes with her credit card; I supply the wine.
But we are butt plugged at every turn. The Babes in Toyland website stubbornly
rejects our Chinese address; we try calling the helpline - but the phone card
we buy from the local shop is domestic calls only; Skype, which China threatens
to block, doesn't work with my 10 yuan microphone; and a US$20 online IDD phone
card requires a confusing array of passcodes and we can't work it.
The Stud sends the phone card company an angry email. Which, of course, is
never answered.
The flaccid state of decent dildo availability in China may just stem from a
lack of demand. Perhaps mainland lesbians just aren't that hot for strap-on
sex.
Says Elisabeth Lund Engebretsen, an anthropologist researching lesbians in
Beijing: "Few people I met had actually had experience with them - they either
did not find them, found them too expensive, or didn't dare go into a shop to
buy them.
"One pure T (stone butch) said she'd never wear one as that would make her
realise even more that she is not a man, which she wanted to be."
She says she felt that while dykes here showed some interest in using sex toys
they didn't make much of an effort into getting their hands on the equipment.
Some Chinese femmes, she adds, said they felt inhibited by the idea of their
partner strapping it on.
"If women are unsure about how they can enjoy penetrative and slightly 'active'
sex then strap-ons might feel disempowering and scary. Some of the younger P's
(femmes) seemed a bit like that. They liked T's (butches) because they were
'soft' and 'gentle' (compared to men) and all that. "
Says The Stud: "When I first started having sex with women, I bought into the
idea that wanting to use a strap-on was somehow acknowledging sex wouldn't be
complete without penetration.
"At some point I got radical enough to make a distinction between penetrative
sex and intromissive sex. to (overcome) the fear that if I wanted something in
my cunt it would mean I wanted sex with a boy."
Elizabeth, who is originally from Norway, says she is all for strap-on sex.
"I'm all in favour of it! I don't buy the 'resemble hetero sex' argument, but
perhaps that's what it would be like for some stone butches."
Today's fake cocks have been smoothed and castrated until they look more like
pocket rockets than a phallus. They come in all colours from baby pink to
pistachio; all shapes from curved for g-spot action to swirly ribbed for those
who like to be corkscrewed; all materials from velvety cyberskin to tempered
glass; and all sizes from the 11-inch "Hammer of Insatiability" to the stubby
3.5-inch baby smoothie.
And strapping it on doesn't mean you have to think like a man or fuck like a
man. Because you can't feel through that piece of silicon - although some
female-to-male transsexuals will swear that they can - you're not getting off
in her but on her.
Strap-on a dual tool harness or strategically place a bullet vibe and you could
get off on yourself too.
If anything, dildos widen our sexual spectrum.
"The best thing about being a lesbian is this," says The Stud.
"You have so many choices. You have more choices than gay men, you have more
choices than straight couples.
"Lesbians have the most catholic range of expressing sexual vocabulary."
But getting it on by strapping it on is not as simple as tightening your buckle
and getting stuck in.
Strap-on sex is goofy sex. Dildo's slip on, slip out, and slip off; especially
with all that lube.
The Stud recounts the first time she strapped it on for a straight girl.
"So there I am. This poor girl has never had sex with another girl before.
She's lying on the bed and I'm strapped up ready to go. I get lubed up and I
try and put the piece through the cock ring and the shaft comes clean off the
base and I'm left holding it in my hand.
"She's staring at me a little scared. Don't worry I say, that always happens. I
throw the broken dildo behind me and it bounces off the wall.
"Luckily I had four or five dildos handy waiting under the bed. I reloaded and
plunged in."
This misadventure marked the start of a three and a half year relationship,
after which the straight girl went back to the kind of cock that doesn't come
off in your hand.
Back in Beijing, and a week after our online flop, The Stud declines my
invitation for a repeat online stab at silicone shopping.
She's going back to the States in July and will buy the toys over there.
And despite knowing The Stud, until July, I'm well and truly fucked. Or not, as
it were.
Copyright 2006 Emma Peel, reprinted with permission.
