In the UK one in five pregnancies ends in termination. Abortions, although
ignored are in fact prominent in Asian communities.
Most Asian women faced with the dilemma of an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy
have no choice but to terminate the unborn child.
This is usually due to circumstances concerning race, religion and background.
Many elderly folk in Muslim communities find the thought of sex before marriage
unthinkable.
Therefore becoming accidentally pregnant out of wedlock is a seriously
scandalous situation however early 20th century England this may sound.
Religion is important in Asian communities. In Islam life is sacred and an
abortion can only be carried out if a woman's life is in danger. Which may be
the case in some overly strict families.
Those women who choose to have sex before marriage, venture out, experiment,
practice, explore, whatever you want to call it to need to be extra cautious.
"If you shame, prepare to be shunned" is the saying in tight-knit Asian
communities. Women who "stray" as one Muslim Asian male friend of mine put it
should expect no sympathy or support from their families.
It is an unfortunate predicament that some women, regardless of race and
religion may find themselves in.
The thought of having to chose between your family and keeping an unborn baby
is enough to emotionally hurt any young woman.
One young Muslim woman, a friend of mine wanted to share her bad experience.
Saleena (not her real name) now aged 22, is still haunted by her past.
Saleena regrets the choice she made at the age of 17 and recalls vividly what
happened.
"I was in such a state, I couldn't eat or think straight. I'll never forget how
vulnerable and scared I felt. I panicked."
She chose to abort her unborn baby when she was 5 weeks pregnant.
When she missed her period she knew she was pregnant and felt she had no
choice. Scared and confused she turned to her boyfriend who worked as a trainee
mechanic at the time.
"I felt so ashamed. So many young women have sex and I was daft enough to trust
my man to use protection".
"When I told him, he freaked and broke down, which didn't help. I needed some
words of comfort but instead I had to take control and comfort him.
"We were both young, living at home and hardly had enough money to support
ourselves never mind a child".
"I recall proposing that maybe we could get married and I could have his child
and be with him. I'm sure his family might have come round to the idea of us
together.
"For him it was out of the question, his face said it all. I just remember
feeling so cold and alone".
"At the time I felt let down and bitter. I really thought he was the one, you
know, like it was love. But I was so naïve and young and he was an
irresponsible coward.
"It makes me wonder whether he thinks of our unborn child? Does he lie awake
tossing and turning like I do? Is he haunted the way I am? Or is it so easy for
him to forget?"
Saleena saw a gynaecologist and managed to arrange an abortion on the NHS.
After her horrific experience she recalls being passed from person to person.
Being prodded and poked.
"Seeing a social worker helped. I managed to nod and smile my way out of the
clinic.
"Fortunately I'd managed to get an early appointment at the clinic so when I
got home my family didn't suspect a thing, they just though I was really ill."
Five years later Saleena still feels haunted, bitter and cynical. Many young
Asian women go through this horrifying ordeal and turmoil of emotions alone.
Families may not support a daughter in trouble because they fear becoming the
topic of idle gossiping in their communities.
It is enough to make people do anything in order to avoid the unwanted
attention and prying eyes. Even murdering an unborn child.
It can be difficult for people outside the Asian community to understand the
consequences and how unacceptable it is to have sex unmarried, let alone making
a blip and accidentally getting pregnant in the process.
It is very rare that a young Muslim woman is courageous enough to break away
from her family and have the will to support and bring up a child alone.
Unless, she is fortunate enough to have a partner who is willing to stand by
her, support her or make the respectable move and marry her for the sake of the
child.
